Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Leaked! McCain's Tour Itinerary

While Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton continue to battle it out for the Democratic nomination, John McCain has been touring the country like he's in the Dave Matthews Band during the summer season. The "Biography Tour" apparently wasn't enough to quench his thirst for travel, so McCain recently launched his "Forgotten Places Tour" to visit folks in… forgotten places.

The Outsider was fortunate to obtain a leaked copy of McCain's travel itinerary. The following are some highlights:

Nationals Park: After a sell-out crowd on opening day (41,888), attendance fell to 20, 487 for the next game. Forgotten. (Full disclosure: I haven't been to a game yet this season, but I've got tickets for Friday night against the Cubs).

The Moon: No one has set foot on it since 1972. Definitely forgotten.

A fanny pack factory: Times have been tough on the industry since the early 1990s when people realized this was the worst trend in recent memory. Thankfully forgotten.

Record stores: Teens today are unaware of the existence of compact discs. Music apparently is made inside a computer at the Apple Store. Sorry, Tower Records.

The Maxx Diner: Since the gang graduated on Saved by the Bell, the number of patrons has dwindled significiantly. Where's Screech? (Oh yeah, he's here.)

Any other places you think McCain should visit? Post them below.

No comments: