Who's Smoking in the Office Bathroom?

Walking into the bathroom today at work, I saw a sight I hadn't seen since high school – cigarette butts and ashes scattered all over the floor in one of the stalls. Talk about a flashback. But it got me thinking. What's the back story on this one? I work in a nice professional office building off Dupont Circle, so who exactly is smoking in the bathroom? We've got a really nice smoking patio out back with chairs and a garden. Why get your fix in the stall, then? Here are all the scenarios I could think of:

- One of the executives is having a mid-life crisis and instead of buying a Porsche, decided to smoke in the bathroom to feel 16 again

- The office building hosts proms on the weekend (They do have a great catering service)

- The cockroaches in D.C. have a nicotine habit

- A plumber was smoking on the job (most probable, right?)

- Someone just wanted to piss off the janitors with extra clean-up duty

Oh well. We'll never know. Some things are best left to speculation. If you have any other ideas, post them below. And lay off the smokes...at least in the bathroom.

Hugh Hefner Buys Out the New York Times

I sat down today with the the old Sunday standard, the New York Times, to catch up on what's happening in the world. What I wasn't expecting was to see old man buttocks and a topless woman playing volleyball in a pool at a nudist resort in Mexico. Yet for five bucks (since I'm very much outside the New York City metropolitan area), that's what I got. I haven't yet read Michelle Higgins' front page piece in the Travel section, entitled "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Worries," but I think the 12" x 12" picture on the page tells the whole story: people are going on nudist vacations. Thanks for the heads-up, NYT. (Click here to read the article).

I have a second confirmation that there is indeed nipple showing on the woman in the back on the left. (It's harder to see on the Web than in the print version). Which raises the question: What exactly is the Times' policy on nudity? (And trust me, I'm not blushing or offended- living in Ireland for 2 years it was hard to open up a newspaper and not see someone topless). But while we have come to expect topless photos of "exotic tribal women" in, say, National Geographic (it's their culture, after all), I'm not so sure nudists in Mexico fit that same category...but I'm sure Hugh Hefner would be proud.

Red Sox Nation in Malawi

My friend Joe who is working with UNICEF in Malawi recently sent me this photo of a car he saw parked next to his. It appears Red Sox Nation is making inroads on the African continent, as well. Say what you will about American exports and "cultural imperialism" - spreading the gospel of the Red Sox worldwide is a noble calling.

In other baseball news, I attended my first game at Nationals Park last night. Great weather, great atmosphere, and a fantastic walk-off home run to wrap things up. I can't wait to see what that neighborhood will look like in 4-5 years. "If you build it, they will come..."

Leaked! McCain's Tour Itinerary

While Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton continue to battle it out for the Democratic nomination, John McCain has been touring the country like he's in the Dave Matthews Band during the summer season. The "Biography Tour" apparently wasn't enough to quench his thirst for travel, so McCain recently launched his "Forgotten Places Tour" to visit folks in… forgotten places.

The Outsider was fortunate to obtain a leaked copy of McCain's travel itinerary. The following are some highlights:

Nationals Park: After a sell-out crowd on opening day (41,888), attendance fell to 20, 487 for the next game. Forgotten. (Full disclosure: I haven't been to a game yet this season, but I've got tickets for Friday night against the Cubs).

The Moon: No one has set foot on it since 1972. Definitely forgotten.

A fanny pack factory: Times have been tough on the industry since the early 1990s when people realized this was the worst trend in recent memory. Thankfully forgotten.

Record stores: Teens today are unaware of the existence of compact discs. Music apparently is made inside a computer at the Apple Store. Sorry, Tower Records.

The Maxx Diner: Since the gang graduated on Saved by the Bell, the number of patrons has dwindled significiantly. Where's Screech? (Oh yeah, he's here.)

Any other places you think McCain should visit? Post them below.

Obama-crombie?

I'm not one of those "blog it as it happens" people. Sometimes things need to settle first in the brain before you can start typing about it. But what's with the 3 Abercrombie and Fitch "models" standing behind Obama in the audience at his speech in Indiana? Check out those hideous shirts! Who did those guys have to beat up to get those seats right behind the senator? A college prank or shameless corporate promotion?!

Well, at least it's good to see that Obama is bringing all sorts of types into his campaign. You can't ignore the jock vote, right?

Anyhow, I'm going to stop typing and pay attention to what Obama's saying. The primaries continue...

Saving the World One Prom at a Time

Yesterday, the Washington Post ran a front page story entitled "Popping the (Prom Question)." It turns out high schoolers these days are getting mighty creative with their techniques to ask out that special someone to what a friend of mine senior year called "The most important event of our high school experience." (I could name maybe half a dozen more important ones, but I didn't want to rain on her parade).

Inspired by a 2005 episode of the trend-setting cultural phenomenon that is Laguna Beach, high school kids are upping the ante big time in methods for getting a date to the dance. The article cites one guy who taped a message to the sail of his family's boat, another who hung a spray-painted sheet over a highway overpass asking the question, and yet another who bought a dozen red balloons with the lucky lady's name on them.

I'm impressed. I really am. Because all three of those examples are light years better than my awkward, non-eye contact prom proposal back in high school. I wonder, though, if this much effort goes into the prom, what do they have to do to get engaged?

Still, this creativity gives me hope that the future generation of leaders really has it together. There's not much difference between using your family's boat to get a prom date and designing an effective exit strategy for Iraq, right? I just hope by the time these kids are old enough to be running our country, we've got most of our troops out of there.

84 Degrees in Washington Means...

...no post from the Outsider. Because the higher the temperature equals the lesser the blogs. So shut down the computer and go enjoy the weather! And of course some classic Beach Boys:

Jaywalking in DC

A couple of weeks ago I almost received a ticket for walking across the street in Dupont Circle against a red light. I was reluctant to post about the incident, mainly out of a fear that the DC Police regularly check blogs to find jaywalking confessions. That fear has now subsided after I saw three cops today cross the very same street (Q and Connecticut) against a red light. And they weren't in hot pursuit of anyone, either.

So back to the original incident. I get to the corner and notice tons of people on either side not crossing, despite the fact that there were no cars in sight. "Stupid tourists," I think. "Don't know how to cross a street." So I proceed to make my way over, when halfway across I notice a cop standing on the corner. We make eye-contact.

"Please come here, sir," she says.

I walk towards her, head down like a school kid who knows he's about to get detention.

"Do you know it is a ticketable offense in the District of Columbia to jaywalk?" she says.

"No ma'am." (That's a lie.)

"Well it is. And I could write you up but I will let you off with a warning this time."

"Thank you ma'am." And then (I was really pushing the limit here):"You know, I'm really hungry and it's lunchtime. I was just trying to get to -"

"It's better to be hungry than hit by a car," she cuts in.

"You're right," I respond. And I walk away, half-hoping she had given me a ticket because that would be a great story to tell the grandkids.

Anyhow, I've been paranoid as hell crossing Q and Connecticut ever since. That is until today, when I see these three cops go lollygagging across the same street without a care in the world. So much for setting a good example...

The Latest from Silly Season

It was inevitable - Hillary Clinton released an ad today in Pennsylvania criticizing Barack Obama's comments made at the now-infamous fundraiser in San Francisco. (And yes, you have to click the link to watch it because I'm sure not posting it here). You would have thought it was produced by a Republican attack squad. And it might as well have been. What was she thinking? A couple of over-dubs at the end changing "Hillary" to "John" and there's a McCain ad all wrapped and ready to be opened for the general election campaign. Makes me cringe.

This whole "elitist" garbage is way out of line and unnecessary. To me, being "elitist" is believing that you were guaranteed the nomination this time last year and didn't have to do the legwork to secure the vote of everyday Americans. But let's not get into that. Let's instead turn to page 57 of The Audacity of Hope (or am I not allowed to mention that title because "you know who" came up with it?). Let's take a look at the bottom of the page:

"But our democracy might work a bit better if we recognized that all of us possess values that are worthy of respect: if liberals at least acknowledged that the recreational hunter feels the same way about his gun as they feel about their library books, and if conservatives recognized that most women feel as protective of their right to reproductive freedom as evangelicals do of their right to worship. The results of such an exercise can sometimes be surprising."

If those are the words of an "elitist" then it's time to re-think what that word means. Let's get it together, Dems.

Drinking With Hagel

A few months ago, I wrote about how you could feed yourself just by attending all the various events on the DC think tank scene. And the same apparently goes for reaching your drink quota, as well. Tonight I attended a talk by Senator Chuck Hagel at the National Press Club, sponsored by the Eisenhower Institute. Hagel was promoting his new book, America: Our Next Chapter: Tough Questions, Straight Answers. (I haven't read it yet, but it has to be good simply because it has two sub-titles).

The Eisenhower Institute and the Press Club put together a really nice event. The drinks were flowing and the appetizers were being scarfed down way before Hagel took the stage. Simply put, a couple of glasses of wine and a lecture by Senator Hagel = a quality evening. Not quite sitting around the pub swapping stories with Uncle Chuck, but still a nice, relaxed night of "straight answers." Hagel is one of those great politicians who speaks his mind and says what he believes. In a sense, he rises above party politics because a random guy who walked into the talk off the street tonight wouldn't have been able to identify his affiliation. He cares about this country and that's the most imporant thing.

Hulu Nation

In today's New York Times, Randall Stross reviews the TV and film video site Hulu.com. You may have come across it during its construction period, but Hulu is now up, running, and ready to go. And, most importantly, it's free. However, Stross is critical of the site, founded by News Corporation and NBC Universal, and writes it "has serious limitations." He complains that "its offerings are surprisingly meager." And he may be right. Most of the movies available for viewing are fairly weak, or merely short video clips. The TV options are more extensive (from the 50s-present) and interesting (ex. Arrested Development), though once again some of the videos are only clips, not the whole episodes (look for the little TV box next to the name for the full-length options).

But lets not complain too much, Randall. It's free. And the site is obviously growing, so stop whining. And I don't mind watching 30 second commercials because... it's free. And at least I know the videos will work, unlike our old, illegal, and now-defunct friend, tv-links.co.uk.

So check out Hulu.com - it's not perfect, but it is still a great (and growing) resource for TV shows and average films (though there are some gems like The Usual Suspects). Plus, it's got full-length episodes of What's Happening! (!) You can't beat that. Enjoy:

A Letter to Red Sox Nation

Dear Red Sox Nation:

Good to see you again. Looking pretty good - you been working out this past winter? Well it's hard to believe a new season is upon us. Looking forward to some good times ahead. Some no-hitters, a couple of grand slams, Gold Glove-style defense, and some rookie of the year caliber play from the young ones. You know, the usual.

Anyhow, the reason I'm writing has to do with our dress code. Sure, I'm no fashion guru by any means, but this is something I've been thinking about for a long time. It's a simple rule that President RemDawg should put to a vote: Don't overdo your Red Sox wardrobe on days when you aren't attending a game. More specifically, unless you are going to see the Sox play live and in-the-flesh, limit your Sox apparel to one item for daily use.

I can't tell you how many times I see some random guy just walking down the street somewhere on the East Coast all decked out in a cap, jacket, t-shirt, socks (and underwear, I imagine) on a day when the team is playing a 10:05 game in Seattle or Oakland.

Unnecessary. And more importantly, it takes away from the importance of suiting up for the real thing when you miraculously get a ticket to actually see the team play live. In other words, if we wore tuxedos all the time, it's not a big deal wearing one when you get married. But if you've got tickets - go to town with the Sox gear. Facepaint, too. And the underwear.

I will offer two exceptions, however. Going out to the bar to watch an important game - against the Yankees, the Blue Jays (maybe this year they will be contenders?), the playoffs, or the World Series, - can warrant a cap and t-shirt. But wearing 20 pieces of Sox stuff to watch a game against the Royals at your local bar in May - a bit too much.

Second, tattoos don't count as apparel. So if you've got Sox ink, you can still go for an additional piece of flair anytime. (Plus, if you have a Sox tattoo you could probably beat me up so I won't argue with you).

That's about it, really. To quote Manny, "When you look good, you play good." But walking around town like you stepped out of the MLB catalogue doesn't necessarily count as looking good.

Sincerely,

Me

At War With Canada?

That got your attention, didn't it? I recently came across a provocative piece about global warming written by Leon Fuerth, a former national security advisor to Al Gore and currently a professor of international affairs at George Washington University. Fuerth, writing in a CSIS / Center for a New American Security report, outlines possible security implications that could occur due to changes caused by global warming.

Some of the greatest hits:

- "If the United States decides to divert water from the Great Lakes to compensate for the effects of climate change, the makings are in for a fundamental clash of interests with Canada."

- "Severe climate change will likely be the deathblow for democratic government throughout Latin America, as impoverishment spirals downward. In these circumstances we should expect that populist, Chavez-like governments will proliferate. Some regions will fall entirely and overtly under the control of drug cartels."

- "War between Israel and Jordan over access to water is conceivable. Moreover, Iraq, Syria, and Turkey are likely to be enmeshed in an escalating struggle over the latter's command of waters feeding the Tigris/Euphrates systems.

- "Russia will return to its roots – to a czarist-like system in all but name, with the wealth of the country divided among a new "boyar" class as payment for loyalty."

- "From one end of the African continent to the other, severe climate change will become the common denominator of turbulence and destruction."

Scary, huh? Who needs Hollywood disaster movies when these could become a reality? Check out the rest of Fuerth's chapter here (it starts on page 71).

All is not lost, though. See what you can do to make a positive difference at the We Campaign.

Welcome Aussie Readers

Somehow, yesterday's "party boy" post was picked up by the Australian website Crikey for their daily Blogwatch page. I love how the offbeat pieces always get so much attention. No one cares about my commentary about the Iraq War or the presidential election - instead they are fascinated by random observations about teenage dirtbags (and I mean that in the nicest way). Either way, publicity is publicity, right? So thanks, Crikey.

Anyhow, welcome readers from Down Under. Throw back a pint of XXXX for me - I miss that stuff.

Class Warfare Declared

In a recent interview for Sportscenter, Memphis coach John Calipari provided us with a Marxist interpretation of the Final Four:

"I say there's the blue bloods and the blue collars. You got the Kansas. You got the North Carolina. You got the UCLA. And you got the Memphis. And there's one blue collar in there and I think that's us."

Nothing like a bit of class warfare to make the tournament exciting. There is no question that there will be a lot of blue on the court in San Antonio.

Bodes well for the Democrats in November, perhaps?